Comments on: The Dragon Released

By: dorkelf

dorkelf — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 15:12:40 +0000

This story had some really fantastic ideas, great writing style too, really top notch. Abaddon is almost like an artificial intelligence, I definitely liked your approach to this character. I also liked your idea about the Dragon, although I felt you gave me a little too much time to imagine a real dragon instead of a person, so I was a little bit disappointed when you revealed he was not an actual dragon. However you did a good job portraying a being of pure, relentless evil – not an easy thing to do. I did not care as much for the Traveler – too paragon-perfect, no real personality to grab onto. I would have liked to see him experience or reveal some emotion to humanize him more. He is just too clinical in his approach with Abaddon and the Dragon. Even an unearthly being should feel some emotion when dealing with supreme evil at a climatic moment. Also I think there may be more potential in building some suspense once the Dragon is released. Maybe Abaddon is surpised that he is to be released, maybe that wasn’t part of the original plan or it wasn’t revealed to him. Maybe his calculations foreshadow that releasing him was a mistake. Also I thought the dragon’s parting line was a little trite to end with. Maybe once he’s gone something else interesting might happen between the Traveler and Abaddon.

By: Stomapyro

Stomapyro — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 17:02:24 +0000

I loved the story, and as a uber nerd. I noticed you talked about the carbon monoxide fog, while technically this could occur, yet over the almost 987 years (Assumption made on current American Standards for years) the carbon monoxide being slightly less dense would have dissipated from the area (Yet, the Carbon Dioxide exhaled by the travelers would have a much larger ability to sit in the crater)

By: Cryptopur

Cryptopur — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 06:31:03 +0000

Yeah, that’s the plan. There’s at least one novel I’d like to write in this world.

By: agaly

agaly — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 06:06:25 +0000

Are you planning on turning this story into a finished production?

By: Cryptopur

Cryptopur — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 00:20:22 +0000

OK – not fair. You can’t tell me there are typos but not tell me where…throw me a bone here.

By: jeff

jeff — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 00:01:43 +0000

fantastic! please more. (two typos)